Less serious post
Tristan commented on my “Facebook for Dummies” post with the following:
I really should have flipped through it, as I am now curious about whether the unspoken rules of Facebook etiquette are included.
Well, ask and ye shall receive, my friend. I give you … the Official Rules of Etiquette for Social Networking (as published by Debrett’s British “etiquette bible.” God, that sounds horrifically proper, doesn’t it?) [ed. note: my commentary in italics]:
1. You don’t have to make friends with people you don’t know. Think before you poke.
Only on Facebook do human beings need advice like “don’t make friends with people you don’t know.” It’s like saying “don’t eat food you don’t like.” Also, “think before you poke” sounds like the slogan for a 6-week long unit in health class.
2. Wait 24 hours before accepting or removing someone as a friend. The delay will help you gather your thoughts.
People don’t wait 24 hours before deciding to have unprotected sex, but god forbid you make a rash decision about something that could really ruin your life forever. “I’m sorry, mom! We were drunk and it just happened! I KNOW I SHOULDN’T HAVE UNFRIENDED YOU AND DAD!” *sob*
Die.
3. Birthdays, engagements and weddings are not “virtual” events. Always send cards or phone friends when there is an important event.
This makes me want to kill small animals, and then blow out my own innards with a shotgun so I never under any circumstances accidentally eat a McGriddle prepared by someone this fucking retarded. If anyone I know in real life ever, ever considers a Facebook message or an email sufficient acknowledgment of my wedding, I hope they get urethra cancer.
4. Think before posting a friend’s photo what you would feel like if it was you.
Unless it involves tits or beer-bottle ass fucking. Then it’s just hilarious.
Wow. Full disclosure: I don’t have a Facebook. Enjoy.
